Tell Him

“What am I going to do?”

I sat at my kitchen table, head in my hands, staring blankly at the unassuming little white stick with its two pink lines. I hadn't moved in the minute and a half since I’d first seen them, after five minutes of anxious waiting and a whole morning of building anxiety.

How could something so small be so devastating?

By contrast, Alice and Rosalie were perfectly calm, sitting either side of me with almost smug smiles on their faces while my world seemed to crumble around me.

“Isn't it obvious Bella?” Alice said, still grinning. “You're going to have a baby.”

“About time,” Rose giggled – giggled! – not seeming at all phased by the glare I shot her in response.

I groaned and dropped my head onto the table top. So much for female solidarity.

Alice and I had been friends since we were tiny. We grew up in the same small town in Washington, went to all the same schools, and ended up going to the same college together in New York. Our parents had been friends for years, although mine had lived in Forks forever while hers had moved there just before they had their first child, her older brother Emmett. Rosalie had rounded out our little group in the first year of college – she was Alice’s roommate and my partner for a Psych project – and we'd been inseparable ever since.

Now, at twenty five, we were all married – Rose to Emmett, Alice to Rose's twin brother Jasper, and me to Alice's other brother Edward – and the other girls had started families. Rosalie had freaked out – pretty much like I was now – when she'd found herself pregnant towards the end of our senior year, but Emmett had been absolutely ecstatic, happy to provide his services as a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or, more often than not, a punching bag through all the craziness that followed. Rose graduated with a bulging belly, and got married five months later with a fussy baby Henry in her arms and a huge smile on her face.

Alice did things in a more conventional order – graduation, marriage, baby – but ended up with her own drama when her eight week scan revealed twins. Tiny little Alice carrying two four-pound-six-ounce babies was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen – although there was hell to pay if you laughed at her to her face of course. She always said it was worth it; Peter and Charlotte were the joy of her life, prompting her to expand her fledgling clothing company into children's wear.

Which just left me. Despite dating since I was a junior in high school, it took a lot of convincing before Edward got me to agree to marry him, after my parents' divorce when I was fourteen tarnished my view of the whole institution of marriage. He'd been incredibly understanding when I told him I wanted to wait a little while before having kids. But although he insisted he was fine with just being 'Uncle Edward' for now, it was impossible to miss the longing looks he sometimes gave Henry, Peter and Charlotte when he thought no one was watching him. It always sent a tiny twinge of guilt through me, but I never felt ready to talk about it with him.

Clearly, Fate had had enough of my stalling.

“Really Bella, it's not that big of a deal,” Rose insisted, patting my shoulder sympathetically.

“Yeah,” Alice chirped. “You're married, totally in love, you have a big enough house, Edward makes more than enough to support both of you, and you could do your job from home if you really had to. I really don't see why you're freaking out so much.”

I sighed; they had a point. We both had stable jobs, Edward as an executive at an advertising firm and me as a junior editor at a publishing house. I could easily work at home, since all I really needed to edit was a computer equipped with a word processor and e-mail. What was I so worried about?

Oh yeah. I was going to be a mom, and I wasn't 100% sure that I was ready. And I still had to tell Edward.

Details, details.

“What's wong wiv Auntie Bewa?” a little voice asked from somewhere near, and I turned my head just enough to see Henry, his face ceased with worry.

“Nothing sweetie,” Rose assured him, patting his dark curly hair lovingly. “She's got a grown-up problem, and she's having a hard time figuring it out.”

Henry nodded solemnly; he had been taught not to ask questions about 'grown-up problems'. He came around the table, patted my knee with his chubby hand, and scampered back to the living room to play with his cousins. I found myself wishing that I could go with him; life was so much simpler for toddlers.

“Look Bella,” Alice said, finally serious. “We can't tell you what to do here. It's your choice and no one else's. But I really think you should take some time to consider all the options, and don't do anything before you talk to Edward about it.” She glanced at Rosalie, who nodded in agreement, then patted my hair. “We'll be here for you, whatever you decide.”

I smiled a slightly watery smile, struggling to hold back the tears that had sprung into my eyes out of nowhere, and sat up so I could hug her.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “You're right, I just need some time to think.” I pulled back and gave a serious look. “But you guys can't say anything to anyone. Not even Em and Jazz, and definitely not Edward. Promise?”

“Promise,” they both agreed in unison – a slightly creepy habit of theirs – and gave me another hug before going to gather up their various kids and belongings. I waved goodbye from the door, then quickly hid the pregnancy test in the bottom drawer of my bedside table and started on dinner. By the time Edward got home from work an hour later, I was perfectly composed, at least on the surface. I couldn't completely get rid of the feeling that he would take one look at me and know my secret, which my rational mind knew was completely impossible but which I still couldn't seem to shake. Clearly, logic had decided to desert me for the time being,

Edward walked into the kitchen, as usual, when I was halfway through making dinner, looking delectable with the top button of his shirt unfastened and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, suit jacket hanging over his arm and his tie hanging from his fist along with his briefcase. I was home before him almost every day, bar the rare occasions when I got so caught up at work that I didn't leave until my boss all but kicked me out, but he still smiled like it was the most wonderful surprise to come home and find me there already. Even after eight years, somehow this man kept finding new ways to make me fall in love with him all over again.

“Hey beautiful,” he murmured, kissing me sweetly on the cheek. “Good day?”

“Not awful.” I shrugged, trying to sound blasé. “Finally got the second draft of that romance novel I was telling you about.”

“The one with the implausible Romeo and Juliet ending?”

“That's the one.” I smiled; yet another wonderful thing about Edward: you could always count on him to pay attention when you were talking to him.

“How about you?” I asked, putting the lid on the pasta sauce I was making and going to the fridge to fish out the ingredients for a salad. “Did you finish that make-up ad you were working on?”

“Yep.” He grinned. “We pitch it to the company on Friday, and if they like it, it goes onto the production guys and I don't have to think about it anymore.”

He fist pumped and started dancing around the kitchen like he was a teenager again. I shook my head, but couldn't help smiling at his adorable silliness.

We ate dinner, exchanging more happenings of the day and idle bits of gossip from our respective workplaces. I told him about Alice and Rose's visit, thinking I could maybe lead into my news, but then chickened out and didn't mention it, instead relaying a story about one of Henry's preschool classmates that made Edward laugh for a solid minute.

I took a shower while he did the dishes and curled up on our bed with a book while he took his. When the water shut off, I was hit by another sudden bout of nerves, and by the time he joined me in bed, I was curled up under the covers facing away from him. Undeterred, he slid in behind me and wrapped one arm around my waist. When his hand settled on my stomach, I stiffened involuntarily. Again, logic wasn't on my side; I knew I didn't have a bump – yet – and my reaction only caused Edward to sit up on one elbow and lean over to see my face, a little frown pinching the skin between his eyebrows.

“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly.

I forced a smile and nodded. “I'm fine. Just tired, that's all.”

He eyed me worriedly for a moment more. I just kept smiling, praying that he would drop it. Then he kissed me lightly on the lips and brushed my hair back from my face.

“You'd tell me if it was something more serious?”

“Of course,” I said, barely more than a whisper. Oh God, he was going to see through me. Calm Bella, stay calm...

Edward sighed and gave me a small smile of his own, the crooked one that I loved so much. “Alright then. You get some sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”

I smiled more genuinely, leaning up to kiss him again. “I love you too. Goodnight.”

We settled down again, his arm still around my waist, and I found that I really was as tired as I’d pretended to be, drifting off to sleep in no time.

When I woke, it was with a start. My eyes popped wide, and my forehead was covered in a light sheen of sweat. The clock on the side table read 3:30 in the morning.

I breathed deeply, trying to dispel the image that had haunted me moments before: me, standing in the middle of the kitchen downstairs, stomach bulging, surrounded by squealing, dirty children, a crying baby balanced in the crook of one arm while I stirred a pot on the stove with the other hand, Edward’s voice yelling angrily from the living room and tears streaming down my cheeks. Just remembering it made me shudder, and I took a moment to re-orient myself in reality. Edward’s arm was still a warm, comforting weight on my waist, his soft breath brushing against the back of my neck; thankfully my sudden jolt hadn't been enough to wake him.

I rolled slightly onto my back to look at his face, so peaceful in sleep. He was smiling a little, the same crooked smile as before, his lips twitching a little every now and then. As I watched, they parted and he started mumbling to himself. It was habit we both had – talking in our sleep – and we'd woken each other up on more than one occasion, thanks to our shared tendency to start shouting during particularly vivid nightmares.

“Bella,” he murmured sleepily, but so sweetly at the same time; it almost made my heart ache to hear it.

“Love you,” he continued. “Love my girls.”

Girls? As in, plural? Could he be dreaming about what I thought he was dreaming about? Hope filled my heart without my permission, and once it was there I couldn't shake it... not even considering the fact that he could very likely be talking about my boobs. I rolled all the way over, cuddling against his chest, and his arms instinctively tightened around me. He leaned in, nuzzling his head happily into my neck.

“Pretty baby,” he muttered, almost a coo, and I was now almost sure I was right about his dream. It bolstered my confidence just a little to imagine him having those thoughts; it made my own nightmare seem completely ridiculous. I needed to give my subconscious a talking to before my dreams started to make me doubt my husband's love for me. Because I knew Edward would never let me get in a position like that if I didn't want to, and that he'd always be there to help me, not getting angry and threatening to leave like he had been in my nightmare. Reassured by my own logic, I tucked my head more snugly under his chin, and drifted off into much happier imaginings of our future family.

~TH~

Work the next day was a fight to keep control of my concentration. Several times I found myself reading over the same paragraph of a manuscript two or three times, my mind wandering away to consider my own dilemmas even as I tried to force it to focus. Though I’d slept soundly after my nightmare, to the point where I actually slept through my alarm and Edward had to shake me awake, I was exhausted, stopping every five minutes to yawn or stretch and struggling to keep my eyes open every time I blinked.

Around twelve I finally gave up and decided to go for lunch. As I walked towards the elevators, planning to stop by my favourite deli and eat in the park for a change of scenery, I passed my boss's office and paused. Assuming I went ahead and had the baby – which was looking like the most likely outcome right at the moment – I was going to have to alter my office hours, maybe take some time off.

Okay, so there was no 'maybe' about it; I would definitely have to take time off. I’d seen how pregnancy and giving birth had affected my sisters-in-law. They'd been completely wiped out, Alice especially, sleeping almost as much as their children for the first few weeks, and then coming up against massive separation anxiety when they tried to leave them alone for even a girls' day out shopping. It was why Alice ran her own business from home, why Rose had decided to be a stay at home mom until Henry started school – they couldn't bear to leave their children.

That was another of my many fears: the feeling that I was going to lose part of myself, become so completely obsessed with this little person that I couldn't even leave the house. I was a workaholic by anyone's standards; though my hours were shorter than Edward’s, I did overtime and brought work home far more often than he did, and usually more willingly. The idea of not working as much, or not working at all, was more than a little unsettling. But, like it or not, I now had a responsibility to fulfil, and that meant I would have to have this discussion with my boss at some point. Why not get it over with now. My resolve strengthened, I walked to the door and knocked lightly.

“Come in,” a voice called, and I quickly opened the door and slipped inside, closing it gently behind me.

Carmen Camargo, the senior editor of Denali Publishing, was one of the multi-layered people I had ever met. She could be stern and authoritative when she needed to be, and she wouldn't accept any excuses from people who missed deadlines or were late to meetings. She wore neat grey power suits and bright red lipstick, and I’d seen her make grown men practically wet themselves with just one stern look and the mildly threatening tone of her voice.

But I’d also seen the other side of her, the side that loved her husband Eleazar and doted on her three daughters, Tanya, Kate and Irina, the side that wore sweatpants at company picnics and offered every new intern a welcoming smile and a piece of good advice. I'd been one of those interns three years ago; fresh out of college, nervous and stuttering, hoping I would make a good impression because if I did well, it could lead to getting my dream job at only 23. Carmen had graciously taken me under her wing, helping me in every way she could while still allowing me the independence to prove myself. She was almost as happy as I was when I got offered a permanent position, and we'd been friends ever since.

“Bella,” she greeted me with a smile, getting up from her desk to give me a hug. “You know, I feel like I haven't seen you in such a long time. How are you, dear?”

“I'm good,” I said with a smile of my own. “I was wondering if I could talk to you about something quickly. It can wait if you're busy.”

Carmen shook her head. “Nonsense, I always have time for you. Please, take a seat.”

We sat down side by side in the chairs that faced Carmen's desk, and I felt oddly reassured that she didn't sit in her usual chair, sure that the feeling of being in the principal's office would be too much for me.

“Now, what can I do for you?” she asked, still smiling invitingly.

I took a deep breath, trying to settle myself a little, but still unable to raise my eyes from where they watched my hands, twisting together in my lap. “Well, I was wondering if we could discuss altering how much time I spend at the office. I was thinking about cutting down my hours, doing a bit more work from home.” I shrugged. “It wouldn't be right away of course, but in a few months’ time-”

I was cut off by a sudden shrill squeal from Carmen. It was not a sound I was used to hearing from her, and when I looked up, startled, she had one hand over her mouth and a happy twinkle in her eyes.

“Bella, does this mean what I think it means?” she asked excitedly, all but bouncing in her seat.

“Um...”

“You're pregnant?” she squeaked, and I looked around reflexively, as if to check that no one had heard her. Then I gave her a nervous little smile and nodded.

“Um, yeah, I am, actually.”

She squealed again and hugged me tightly. “Oh Bella, I’m so happy for you! This is wonderful news!” She pulled back abruptly and studied my face seriously. “But you seem apprehensive. Is something the matter? You know you can talk to me if you need to, dear.”

I tried to relax a little, make my smile more genuine. “I'm fine, really. I just... well, I haven't told Edward yet, and I'm a little nervous about his reaction.”

Carmen nodded sympathetically and patted my arm. “Of course you are, though I’m quite sure you have nothing to worry about on that point. You know, you're going to have to tell him eventually.”

“I know,” I assured her. “And I will, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I only found out yesterday.”

She nodded again. “Of course, of course. Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?”

“No, not yet.” I shook my head.

She grinned and jumped up, going around to her side of the desk and grabbing a pad of sticky notes and a pen.

“Tell you what, I’m going to give you the number of my doctor. She's very good, got me through all three of my girls with no trouble at all, and she came to me highly recommended by several women I know who've had less than straightforward pregnancies.” She scribbled down a number as she spoke, then pulled the note off the pad and passed it across the desk to me. “You're going to lunch now, right?”

I nodded.

“And I’m sure you're having trouble concentrating with everything that's going on.”

I blushed and nodded sheepishly again.

Carmen gave me a warm, knowing smile. “Well, you go get something to eat, then when you come back, I want you to call Dr Uley straight away and set up an appointment. That way you can at least settle yourself a little bit. And if you need to leave a little early, that's absolutely fine.”

I smiled back. “Thank you Carmen. I really appreciate your help.”

“It's no trouble at all, dear. Off you go now, don't want to waste any more time. You'll pass my congratulations on to Edward, won't you?”

“Of course.” I nodded and stood, giving her one last grateful wave as I left the office, my smile a little wider and feeling lighter than I had all day.

~TH~

When I got back to the office, I got online and did a little bit of research, just out of curiosity. Dr Emily Uley ran a private clinic specialising in pregnancy, childbirth and paediatric care. Her website included a feedback sections full of glowing praise from satisfied patients and, to my surprise, even quoted her fees. I was a little worried when I saw that she was private, worried about costs and insurance, but there were several assurances that most insurance companies – including mine – willingly paid out for her services, and after a quick check, I found that the prices she quoted for basic maternity care were lower than those I would have to pay if I went to a hospital run by the state. Fully reassured, I called the number that Carmen had given me, and by a colossal stroke of luck found that Dr Uley had an opening at 4:30 that afternoon. Oddly enough, rather than making me nervous, having a set time actually helped me calm down and get some work done. I’d always been that kind of person, fond of structures and routines, but not really a fan of surprises. So much was unknown and unpredictable at the moment, it was settling for me to have just one thing I could be sure of, even if it was only something as simple as the timing of a doctor's appointment.

I stuck my head into Carmen’s office just before 4:00 to let her know I was leaving, and she gave me a beaming smile and another reassuring hug before she let me go. My office was in a very central business district of New York, while the clinic was in one of the city's more well-off suburbs, on the other side of town from the more reasonably priced area that Edward and I lived in. It took me a while to get out of the traffic-clogged streets, so long that I started to worry that I hadn't left early enough to make it there on time, but I did eventually reach the clinic with almost ten minutes to spare.

After checking in at the desk, I sat in one of the waiting room chairs, which were far more comfortable than any other doctor's office I’d been to before. But I still found myself fidgeting nervously as I glanced around the room at the other people waiting. Two moms were chatting animatedly just across from me while their kids, who looked about three and four, played on the floor at their feet. A chubby baby sat on one woman's lap, alternating between tugging at the chunky necklace around her neck and clacking the bangles around her wrist together, seemingly trying to make as much noise as possible. A few seats down from me, a young couple sat poring over an interior design magazine, presumably browsing a spread of nursery designs. The woman looked like she was days away from popping, her stomach stretched further than I thought it was possible for a human body to stretch. I was almost afraid, until I saw the absolutely elated look in her eyes, the tender smiles she exchanged with the man beside her, the sweet way he had his arm around her waist so that his hand rested on her belly, rubbing gently back and forth. The whole waiting room was full of similar scenes, and I got so wrapped up in my people watching that the sound of the nurse calling my name made me jump. Trying not to shake, I got up and followed her into a well-lit examination room, where she quickly measured my height and weight before leaving me sitting on the bed in the corner. She had barely been gone two minutes before another woman walked in. Her dark skin contrasted with her white lab coat, making her almost appear to glow, and her shiny black hair was pulled back out of her heart-shaped, smiling face in a neat up-do.

“Isabella?” she asked, looking up from the clipboard in her hand.

“Bella,” I corrected with a smile, holding out my hand.

She shook it warmly. “It's lovely to meet you Bella. I'm Dr Uley, but feel free call me Emily if that will make you more comfortable. So, I see you're here to confirm a pregnancy?”

I nodded shyly, but Emily's wide, calm smile was relaxing me more and more as I spent more time with her. She began asking me questions about my menstrual cycles and sexual activity – which made me blush a little – then about what had prompted me to take a pregnancy test, which tests I’d taken, how I was feeling in general and any specific symptoms that I’d noticed. Honestly, there wasn't much; I was about a week late getting my period, which had only slipped my notice because I’d been pretty busy with work, and I felt more tired and hungry than usual, which I’d also attributed to workload and stress. It was only when I’d mentioned these things to Alice and Rose that the pieces had fallen into place, and they'd pretty much forced me to take a test.

When Emily was finished with her questions, she ran a few tests just to confirm that I really was pregnant, and when the results came back positive – causing a whole new round of butterflies to erupt in my stomach – she set up a basic ultrasound in order to determine how far along I was. I started biting my lip without really thinking about it, and blushed when Emily gave me a knowing smile. The cool gel made me jump, and tickle my skin as she moved the wand around across my lower stomach.

And then she flipped a switch and the screen lit up with a fuzzy, black and white circle segment, lines arcing back and forth... and one small, oblong shape that broke the pattern and had the vague shape of a human being but would probably be better described as some kind of weird space alien.

I couldn't explain even to myself exactly why I started to cry, but nevertheless, the tears began to flow unrestrained. Emily handed me a small bundle of tissues from a box on the machine's stand – clearly kept handy for just this kind of occasion – and gave me a moment to collect myself before she started taking measurements, explaining what she was doing in a soft, soothing voice that further helped me calm down.

“Well, from what I can see here, I’d say you're about 8 weeks pregnant, which makes your due date... sometime around August 13^th.”

I let out a startled little chuckle.

“A special date for you?” she asked curiously.

I nodded. “It's our anniversary. Next August will be two years.”

Emily grinned. “Looks like you'll have an extra special present for him then. Let me get you a print-out of this, and we can make you a follow up appointment for about two weeks’ time.”

She went over the normal schedule of appointments and check-ups while I cleaned myself up, and I left her office with a spring in my step and a blurry scan in my purse, fully converted to the idea of a baby as a very, very good thing.

~TH~

I found myself descending into a bundle of pent up nervous energy again as Edward showered that evening, worrying about how to tell him, what to say, how he would react – what I was going to do if he reacted badly. I couldn't concentrate on the book that I was trying to read, and eventually put it aside, recognising that it was a lost cause. When he came out of the bathroom, he found me staring blankly at my hands and gnawing on my bottom lip.

“Are you sure you're alright?” he asked worriedly as he sat down on the bed, gently smoothing my hair and surreptitiously checking my forehead for a fever.

“I'm fine,” I insisted, catching his hand and holding it in mine. “There's just something I need to talk to you about, and I don't know how to start.”

“Okay…” He looked completely confused by this point.

I bit my lip and looked away, trying to collect my thoughts.

“So, I left work early today-”

“Good,” He grinned, relaxing a little. “You work too much.”

I rolled my eyes at him and continued. “-Because I had an appointment with a doctor.”

Bad place to start. Edward grabbed hold of my arms, a panicked, frantic look in his eyes.

“What! You said you were fine! What’s wrong? Please tell me, is it serious? Oh god, it’s serious, isn’t it? I’m going to lose you. I can’t lose you Bella, I’m not ready to lose you.”

I was shaking my head before he was finished, and I put my hand over his mouth to stop his wild rambling. “No, no, no. It’s nothing like that. Well, I mean, it is serious, but not bad serious, just…” I shook my head again, laughing at myself. “I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do this right.”

Now Edward just looked perplexed again, with a hint of panic still lingering around the edges of his eyes as he waited for me to explain. There was no way around it anymore; the more I put it off, the more I was going to keep going round in circles and making him upset.

Now or never Bella, I told myself. So I just went for it.

“I’m pregnant.” I said, breaking the tense silence that had settled around us. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt instantly lighter, like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief, feeling tears of happiness begin to form just from finally saying the words out loud.

It occurred to me after a moment that the room was still silent. I opened my eyes and took in my husband’s face, frozen in shock. I sat, waiting, but he didn’t speak, didn’t move, didn’t even seem to register that I’d spoken. After half a minute or so of total silence, I started getting edgy again, my happy bubble popping abruptly.

“Edward?” I said, my voice small and scared in a way it had never been before when I was talking to him. “Honey, please say something. Please.”

He blinked twice, as if waking up from a trance, and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he could make a sound.

“You’re… we’re… there’s a… in there?” he finally spluttered, pointing a shaking finger at my stomach.

I nodded.

Then I was in his arms, crushed tightly against his chest with his lips pressed almost violently against mine. My heart soared, the bubble firmly back in place.

He’s happy, he’s happy!

Eventually, Edward pulled back, and his smile was beaming.

“We’re having a baby,” he whispered, almost to himself, still sounding totally awestruck.

I just nodded again and smiled widely.

He grinned. “I can’t believe it. This is incredible. Oh Bella, you can’t imagine how happy I am right now.”
“I know how happy I am,” I said, and my voice wobbled, making me realise that the tears had welled up and spilled over. I laughed lightly and wiped the moisture from my cheeks. “God, I’m already getting emotional. How are you going to put up with nine months of this and not go insane?”

He kissed me again, softly, tenderly. “Gladly. It’ll be worth it in the end, sweetheart.”

And just for that moment, held securely in his arms and feeling more loved than I ever had in my life, I believed him.

Role Reversal

This was my entry for the New Moon round of The Canon Tour on Fanfiction.net, and although I didn't win any prizes, I did come 6th overall out of 29, so I'm pretty happy. :)Enjoy!

Dazed and disorientated, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm – into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.

There was a flurry of activity as everyone seemed to move at once. Carlisle and Edward were in front of me instantly, Edward crouched by my side while Carlisle grabbed my arm tightly to try and stop the flow of blood.
“Get him out of here.” he ordered in a low terse voice.
With Emmet pulling, Rosalie pushing and Alice gently cajoling, the three of them got Jasper outside quickly, and Esme followed them, an apologetic look on her face when she glanced back at me. I gave her a weak smile in return, which I hoped showed my understanding and told her I didn't mind at all.
“Let's take her into the kitchen,” Carlisle said to Edward, who nodded and scooped me into his arms, careful to make sure Carlisle still had a grip on my arm. He set me down gently on a stool at the kitchen counter and vanished, reappearing with Carlisle’s big black medical bag and a bright desk lamp, which he plugged in and flipped on, angling it over my arm. It was clear he was planning on staying, but I could see that he wasn't breathing, and he had to be in pain.
“Just go Edward.” I sighed. “Carlisle will take care of me.”
“I'm fine.” he insisted, going to sit down beside me.
“Edward,” Carlisle murmured placatingly. “I think Jasper will probably need your reassurance right now. He'll be feeling the first stirrings of guilt very soon, and only you can make him feel better.”
Edward frowned, evidently torn.
“Go.” I repeated. “Your brother needs you.”
He finally gave in at that, nodding once and hurrying out of the back door.

“He's so stubborn.” I mumbled half to myself once he was gone.
Carlisle chuckled. “He's always been that way. He gets it from his mother.” He shook his head, still smiling. “The amount of times I found that woman out of bed trying to tend to him when she was so much worse off...”
He began to talk about Edward’s human mother Elizabeth as he worked on my arm, and I half listened. The other half of me was coming to some rather painful realisations, realisations I should have come to a long time ago.

From the moment I cut my finger to the moment he left the house, Edward hadn't taken a single breath. Though his main emotion seemed to be concern for me, the hunger he could never truly contain had burned in his eyes, turning them dark and a bit frightening. Anyone else would probably be afraid for their own safety, but I was not most people, and I was worried about him. He struggled every moment that he was with me, trying to contain what was inside him, and though he'd been doing it for many decades, he had told me himself that he'd never been so tempted by anyone in his life as he was by me. The very presence of my scent, my blood, burned his throat, hurting him more than anything else in the world. Entirely unintentionally, I was hurting Edward. All the time. And I couldn't do it anymore. Tonight had shown me that anything could happen at any time that would make it even harder for him, and I would only wind up hurting him more.

But that wasn't the only way I could hurt him – would hurt him. We'd talked about it only this afternoon; what he planned to do if I died. If he had his way, it would be when rather than if. Though I’d begged and pleaded all summer and continued to do so now, he absolutely refused to change me, determined to keep me human for some unfathomable reason. He had said he would stay with me always and follow me when I passed away, but I knew that no matter how soon he managed to remove himself from this world, he would suffer over my death for every second that he lived longer than me. Once he was gone too, his family would become the ones who suffered; they would lose their son, their brother, and – in Alice’s case especially – their best friend. That could not be allowed.

I could see only one solution, one sure way to end the pain in the long run, though it would most likely instil worse pain for a short time.

I had to break up with Edward. As soon as possible.

“There we go.” Carlisle said with a smile, smoothing a bandage over the cut on my arm. “All done. You'll probably want to take a Tylenol or two before you go to bed or when the local anaesthetic wears off, whichever comes first.”
I nodded, still distracted by my unsettling epiphanies. Edward appeared out of nowhere at my side with a concerned look.
“Everything alright?” he asked, speaking more to Carlisle than me. Carlisle response was silent, but he had evidently soothed Edward’s worries because he sighed in relief and kissed the top of my head. Alice reappeared a moment later and dragged me upstairs to change clothes and clean up all the cake that was on my skin and even in my hair in places. I didn't talk to her anymore than necessary, and went back downstairs without waiting for her to follow me.

“Edward, can you take me home please?” I said, and he nodded, taking my hand to lead me to the door.
“Don't forget your presents!” Alice called, dancing over and handing me the unopened silver packages. Then she wrapped her arms around me, careful not to press against my bad arm.
“Happy birthday Bella.” she said, and I smiled a very little bit as I hugged her back.
“Thanks Alice. It really was a nice party.”
She smiled and nodded, and then Edward swept me out to the car and held my door while I got in. He was around to the driver's side in seconds, starting the car and setting off down the driveway. I watched the trees go by outside, still trying to process everything going through my head.

I could feel Edward eyeing me nervously, shooting furtive glances at me every few seconds, but I ignored him and just kept staring out the window at the green forest passing us by. Neither of us spoke, the silence broken only by the soft music drifting from my new stereo, which Edward had instantly tuned to a classical station as soon as we got in the car.
When he pulled into my driveway, I picked up my presents and got out of the truck without waiting for him to open my door for me. Still, he was at my side in a second.
“I can take those for you if you want.” he offered.
“I've got them,” I assured him, starting up the path to the front door.
“Would you like me to wait upstairs?” he asked, persevering despite my short, curt answer.
“If you want.” I shrugged. I didn't hear anything that indicated movement, but when I glanced back he was gone.

“Bells?” Charlie called out when he heard me slam the door.
“It's me.” I called back, heading for the stairs in the hope of avoiding an awkward conversation.
“You're back early,” he commented, coming into the hallway from the living room. I could hear the sound of the TV running a game behind him.
I shrugged, too tired to bother being creative with a lie and telling a partial truth.
“I tripped.” I explained, holding up my bandaged arm. “Dropped a glass plate and cut myself. Carlisle stitched me up, and he said I should come home and rest.”
Charlie's eyes widened in concern. “Are you alright? That looks nasty.”
I smiled at him. “I'm fine. I’m just going to take a Tylenol and go to bed.”
“Alright.” he said, eyeing me slightly suspiciously. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will.”
Charlie stepped forward and, in a rather out of character move, kissed me softly on the forehead.
“Happy birthday Bella.” he whispered gruffly. “I love you honey.”
“Thanks Dad.” I murmured back, startled by the sudden affection and emotion. I moved away from the contact when it began to get a little uncomfortable for both of us. “I love you too. Goodnight.”
“Night.” was his short response as he went back to his game.

I climbed the stairs, not even bothering to go into my bedroom; I had a set of pyjamas in the bathroom already, along with my wash bag. After changing, washing the last of the blood off my skin, taming my hair, tossing back a Tylenol and a glass of water and brushing my teeth, I went to my room, still carrying my unopened presents. Edward was sat against the headboard of my bed with his hands behind his head, looking completely relaxed and perfectly at home. I couldn't ignore the truth though; this radiant, magical creature could never really belong in my dull little human world, and I was only hurting both of us by trying to make him fit. I knew the sooner I got myself out of his life, the better for everybody. But, being the selfish coward that I was, I was too afraid to do anything yet. I would build up my nerve, I promised myself, and break up with him as soon as possible. Starting tomorrow. Tonight I would enjoy one last taste of happiness.
Edward smiled at me and held his arms out in invitation. I went to him as I usually would, but kept a little more space between us than normal. He raised one eyebrow but didn't comment, putting his arms around me in a comforting embrace.
“Would you like to open your presents now?” he asked softly, nodding to the silver packages in my hands. “You don't have to tonight, if you're not up to it.”
I shook my head. “No, I want to open them. I’m kind of curious about what you got me that didn't cost you anything.”
He shrugged. “I hope you like it. But I think you should open Esme and Carlisle’s gift first.” Then he grinned wickedly. “They spent lots of money on you.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. It didn't fell as carefree or natural as usual, like I was forcing it. Like I was acting. Ignoring my rather depressing train of thought, I picked up Carlisle and Esme's present – the one that was still fully wrapped – and very carefully removed the paper, not wanting a repeat of earlier. It was a long flat box, inside of which were two pieces of paper with a lot of writing on them, most of which made very little sense. I gave Edward a questioning look, and he laughed softly.
“They're vouchers.” he explained. “They can be exchanged for plane tickets for you and me to go to Florida and visit Renee. Esme thought it would be nice for you to see your mother before you go to college without having to wait until the summer or save up a lot of money.”
“Oh.” I said, not quite sure what else I could say. The gift was so generous, and so thoughtful; it made me sad to think that half of it would never be used.
“Is it too much?” Edward asked worriedly when I had been silent for a moment.
“No, no.” I shook my head. “It's very... kind of them.”
He smiled, obviously not believing my acceptance. “Don't worry. Like I said, I didn't spend anything on your other present, although I’m sure Alice would rather have bought you a whole new wardrobe.”

I shuddered, and he laughed. My curiosity piqued, I reached for the final present sitting on my bed, opening it just as carefully. Under the paper was a clear CD case with a blank CD inside. There was no writing or marking to indicate what it might be anywhere.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Play it and see.” was Edward’s response, an excited and slightly nervous smile tugging at his lips, as if he were worried that I wouldn't like it. I got up and crossed the room to my stereo, putting the CD in and pressing play. There was a quiet whir as the disc spun, and then the soft, familiar strains of my lullaby echoed through the room. Tears sprang to my eyes and a soft gasp escaped my lips.
After a moment, Edward’s arms came around my waist and he stood close behind me with his head on my shoulder.
“Alice helped me record my compositions onto a CD so you could listen to them whenever you want.” he murmured. “It was that or I buy you a piano so I could play them here, and I didn't think you would like that.”
I chuckled, and even I could hear that it was slightly strained.

We stood there silent for a moment, just listening to the music. I struggled the entire time to hold in the tears as he held me close, trying to push away the bad thoughts of what was to come and focus on the here and now. As the last strains of my lullaby drifted into silence and Esme's favourite began, Edward turned me around to face him and gently guided my hands until we were in that familiar and dreaded stance; his hand on my waist and mine on his shoulder, our other hands held together, out to our side and up.
“Edward...” I sighed, but he gently shushed my protests and began to lead me in a slow, careful box step around my bedroom. As much as I hated dancing and worried that I was about to make a fool of myself at any moment, I felt safe in Edward’s arms, and almost as if I could at least attempt to measure up to his perfection. He smiled down at me lovingly; the look in his eyes took my breath away.
“You see.” he whispered as the song ended and we came to a standstill. “I told you it was all in the leading.”
I smiled, looking down at my feet and hugging him, tucking my head into it's usual position against his chest. He hugged me back for a second or two, then suddenly scooped my legs out from under me – I had to muffle my squeak of surprise with my hand – and placed me gently on the bed, folding the covers over me before he lay down at my side. His fingers brushed down my cheek, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, drew my hand to his lips so that he could place a gentle kiss on my knuckles, and finally settled lightly over my waist as they had when we were dancing.

“I don't want to bring it up now,” he murmured, “and ruin an otherwise perfect day, but at some point we're going to have to talk about what happened tonight.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “I know. Just...” I raised one hand and curled it around his cheek, ignoring the unsettling difference between our skin tones.
“Not tonight.” I whispered, and he nodded in agreement.
“Not tonight.” he repeated. “Tonight you need your rest. And I should like to do something much more pleasurable than discuss the almost horror movie that took place at my house this evening.”
“Oh really?” I asked, hearing the slightly teasing tone in his voice and echoing it to the best of my ability. “And what might that be?”
“Well,” he smiled. “I should very much like to give the birthday girl one last kiss before she goes to sleep. If that's alright with her of course.” he added with mock severity.
I just smiled. “I'm sure she wouldn't mind in the slightest.”
Edward grinned and leaned in to touch his lips to mine. The kiss began soft and innocent, just like any other, but it quickly escalated as a surge of emotion rushed through my body. Passion exploded with the realisation that this had to be the beginning of our separation. This had to be our last kiss. Ever.

And so, even though I knew I would be pushed away, I pressed myself close to him, gripped his hair in my hands, parted my lips and ran my tongue across his lower lip. To my surprise, he responded in kind, holding me tighter and opening his mouth the tiniest bit. Our breath was shared, passed backwards and forwards between us for an immeasurable length of time. When I finally ran out of usable air and was forced to breathe, Edward took the opportunity to pull away completely, leaving us both panting on our backs.
“What was that?” he asked breathlessly after a moment.
“I don't know.” I replied in a whisper. He was silent, as if waiting for me to say something more, but I had nothing else to say. I rolled over onto my side, curling into him without letting myself look at his face, though I could feel his eyes on me. I closed my eyes and started trying to fall asleep.
“Goodnight.” he said quietly after a moment.
“Goodnight.” I returned.
There was a pause, and then...
“Bella?”
“Yes?”
“Happy birthday.”
“Thank you.”
Another pause, longer this time.
“Bella?”
I sighed. “What is it Edward?”
“I love you.” he breathed, and guilty chewed at my insides.
“Love you too.” was my only response. We were silent then, and in minutes I had drifted off into a semi-peaceful oblivion.

~RR~

The next day, I worked to maintain my detachment, only allowing a soft kiss on the forehead when Edward slipped out of my window before Charlie was awake. He frowned a little, but let it go. At school, I walked beside him silently, missing Alice’s bright chatter which might have taken away some of the awkwardness, but she was with Jasper somewhere in Canada, trying to get him to stop blaming himself for what happened and come home. So I was left with a moody tension between me and the person who had always relaxed me more than any other, making sure my hands were always full so that he couldn't try to hold them, ignoring his notes that appeared on top of my books throughout the day and only responding briefly to his attempts to make conversation. We parted ways at last by my truck at the end of the day, and it was almost a relief to do so. However, Edward seemed to have other ideas.
“Can I come over tonight?” he asked nervously, as if he anticipated my denial.
“I have to work tonight,” I hedged, “and I need to study for Calculus. I’m already getting lost.”
I wasn't making excuses; since Alice had swung me a day off work for my birthday yesterday, I had to make up for it today, and I really did need to study for Calculus. My teacher seemed to be slightly sadistic and was insisting on bi-weekly tests to make sure we understood everything.
“Why don't you come over to my house after work?” he offered. “Every one will be out, and I could help you study, if you want me to.”
I considered it for a moment. Logically, I knew that accepting his offer and spending more time with him than necessary would very likely undo all the work I’d done today to distance myself from him. However, my logical side was not in control at that particular moment, and I agreed, with only a seconds hesitation, to drive to his house after work. Edward smiled and leaned in to kiss me goodbye, but I turned my head at the last moment so his lips met my cheek instead of my mouth.

All through work I felt the anticipation build up inside me. Worse still, it was a slow day, leaving me plenty of time to think and wonder and worry. I almost chickened out and drove straight home when Mrs Newton finally let me and Mike leave about half an hour early, but in the end I couldn't resist the pull towards the big white house on the river, and I set off, well below the internal speed limit of my truck, down the highway through the forest.

Edward was waiting for me when I arrived, standing on the front porch with a smile on his face. I jumped out of the truck and followed him into his house, feeling a twist in my stomach as I stepped across the threshold; something in me knew there was something coming that would change everything, something I had been building up to. I still wasn't sure I was ready, and I knew I would put it off as long as possible, but I knew it wasn't going to be long before there was nothing I could do, and it would be time to let him go.

“Shall we go upstairs?” Edward asked me, gesturing to the stairs. I just nodded mutely, keeping my books clutched close to my chest and followed him up to his room. Once there I sat down on the sofa and opened my Calculus book, going to the page we had been working on in class and trying to make sense of it; Calculus was one of my more difficult subjects, and just thinking about it had a tendency to make my brain hurt. Rather than sitting beside me as I had expected him to, Edward went straight to his CDs, looking along the shelves as if trying to choose what to listen to. I didn't think anything of it really; I was more focused on the sense of foreboding that hung in the air and my own distaste of the distance, both physical and emotional, that had evolved between us, which I had no one but myself to blame for. After a moment, however, the tension broke when he appeared in front of me and slammed my book shut. I looked up at him tiredly and found him glaring in a way that would have frightened anyone else. But I could see in his eyes that he wasn't angry, just hurt, confused and worried.

“What?” I asked him blandly.
“Is something wrong Bella?” he said, answering my question with one of his own. “You've been quiet all day, more so than usual, and so distant too. I’m worried about you.” His outward anger melted away into a soft expression and he finally sat down beside me, moving the books and taking my hands. “Is it because of last night? Is that what's bothering you? Because you can talk to me Bella, you can tell me anything.”
He was so sincere, so truly caring and concerned for me; it broke my heart to realise that now was the time, that I would have to break him and myself, shatter our small amount of peace and happiness for his and my own good. Even knowing that this was the right thing, my body reacted against it, my mouth going dry and my eyes dropping to our hands.
“You're right.” I said, almost in a whisper because of how tight my throat had become. “It is about last night.”
Edward smiled slightly and nodded, clearly thinking that he understood what my problem was. “That's completely understandable Bella. It happened so fast, and you really didn't have time to process what was going on. I’m surprised you didn't go into shock right away. It's no wonder that you're a little out of sorts.” He gently stroked my hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear tenderly. “You don't have to worry though. I’ll never let anything hurt you, not Jasper or anything else. He really doesn't lose control that often. Last night was the first time he's slipped in a long time, and it won't happen again anytime soon.”

And right there was my opening. Edward had unknowingly handed me the perfect excuse, a reason to leave that would make sense to him, even if it was far from the truth and not something I was worried about at all.
“But what if it does?” I whispered, refusing to look at him.
He seemed taken aback for a moment before he recovered himself. “Really Bella, you haven't got anything to worry about. Jasper feels terrible about what happened, and he'll be much more cautious from now on...”
I shook my head and got up, cutting him off. “It's not just Jasper I’m worried about. He may be the least experienced with your lifestyle, but he's not the only thing that's dangerous around here.”
“W-What do you mean?” he asked, sounding nervous.
“I mean,” I took a deep breath. “that it's not just Jasper who's at risk of losing control. It could be anyone.” I paused, and my voice dropped to a whisper, my eyes on the carpet as I spoke. “It could be you.”
I heard his sharp intake of breath from across the room. I could feel the pain I was already inflicting on him, and I had barely said anything. It was only going to get worse from here on in. So rather than drag out the process longer than necessary, I launched straight into the next part of my attack without waiting for his reaction.
“You were right.” I said softly. “All along you were right. When we first met, you said you were dangerous and that we shouldn't be friends. When you took me to the meadow, you made it clear there was a chance that I wouldn't come back. And in Phoenix, you told me to go and live with Renee instead of coming back here. You were right, and I should have listened. It took what happened last night to make me realise that.” I turned around, looking at him for the first time and forcing myself not to back down when I saw his agonised expression. “It made me realise that we're from two different worlds, worlds that should never have come together. We're just... too different, and I don't think I can carry on pretending anymore.”
“Do you mean...” he choked, stopping and starting over again. “Are you... breaking up with me?”
I was glad he said it; it was so much easier than having to say it myself. This way all I had to do was keep my nerve and force out a definite, final, “Yes.”
He made another choking noise, this one sounding more like a sob and causing my heart to crack down the middle. I had to get out. Now.
“I'm sorry.” I whispered, then grabbed my books and ran out of the room and down the stairs before he could stop me. I half expected to suddenly run headlong into his chest or feel his hand grab my arm, but he didn't follow me.

The grey clouds that had been gathering all afternoon had swirled together while I was inside, forming an almost black layer across the sky. Just as I opened the front door and hurled myself down the porch steps, there was a loud rumbling noise from above and the heavens opened. Rain poured down in buckets, soaking me through in just the short dash to the truck. Jumping into the cab and slamming the door shut, I turned the keys roughly and the engine roared to life.

Only to splutter and die seconds later.

Cursing, I tried again, and the same thing happened. I smacked the dash in frustration; of all the times for the truck to break down on me, it had to be now. I looked out of the window, where the rain was already so thick I could barely see anything. As I saw it, I had three choices: go back inside and ask Edward to drive me home, wait here for someone else to arrive and ask them for a ride, or take a chance and start walking. Perhaps if I had had a clear head, I would have stayed put; after all, now that it was raining so heavily it wouldn't be too long before the bulk of the family came back from their hunt, and Carlisle finished work in a few hours as well. But I didn't have a clear head. My judgement was clouded by heartbreak and sadness, and tears threatened to start pouring like the rain at any second. And because all this led to extremely irrational behaviour, I grabbed the rain coat I had left on the seat, pulled it on and shoved my books into my backpack, which I threw over my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door of the truck and jumped down onto the ground, which was quickly becoming boggy under the onslaught of water from the clouds above. Not allowing myself to pause or look back towards the house, I began the trek back up the Cullens' driveway to the highway, wrapping my arms around my torso and trying to ignore the driving rain that dripped from the edge of my hood and soaked every inch of exposed skin, as well as some that weren't exposed.

I’d almost reached the road when I heard what sounded like my name being called, muffled by the noise of the rain. I ignored it, as I was ignoring just about everything but the path my feet were walking, and kept going. The calling continued, getting louder as my pursuer gained on me, until a hand came down on my shoulder.
“Bella,” Edward said, his voice thick. “come back inside.”
“No thanks.” I said without any emotion or inflection. “I'm fine.”
That got him angry. “Don't be ridiculous Bella, it's freezing and pouring. Come back to the house before you catch your death of cold.”
I didn't answer him, just shrugged off his hand and kept walking.
“Bella, please!” he begged, keeping pace with me easily, and I knew he wasn't just asking me to come back to the house. He was begging me not to leave him, but I refused to be swayed.
“No.” I said stubbornly.
Edward grabbed my arm and stopped walking, jerking me to a standstill beside him. We glared at each other, and I could see in his eyes that he wasn't going to let go. He would follow me, even if he had to follow me all the way back to my house, continually insisting I return to his. He would hang around me until I caved and went back to him. I couldn't let him do that; I couldn't let him waste his life on me for another second. So I rallied all my nebulous acting skills, and pulled out the big guns.

“Just let me go Edward.” I said, low and cold. His eyes popped wide, startled, and I hoped he wouldn't associate the words with the last time I’d said them, when I’d left Charlie for his own good, his own protection. Of course, this situation was exactly the same, and so was the reasoning behind the words, but he had to believe that I didn't mean them the way I had when I said them to Charlie. He had to believe that I meant them the way Renee had eighteen years ago. And luck was on my side, for I could see in his eyes that he did. His fingers released me in a flash, like my arm had somehow burned him. Before he could change his mind or gather his wits, I took off running down the drive, the guilt I felt for betraying him causing tears to build up and spill over. My bag bounced against my back, the heavy books probably giving me bruises, but I didn't care. I just had to get away, far away, as far away from him as I possibly could so that I didn't give in to the urge to turn around and run back to his house and beg for forgiveness.

I stopped running when I finally hit the highway, too tired to keep it up, and returned to my sullen trudging along the side of the road. It was utterly deserted; for ten minutes as I plodded along, there wasn't a single sign of a car. Then, headlights came around a bend ahead of me, making me blink furiously against the glare off the wet asphalt of the road. I heard the engine slow, and realised the car was pulling over. With my vision impaired by the driving rain and blinding light, it wasn't until it stopped beside me that I realised it was Charlie's cruiser. Breathing a sigh of relief, I pulled open the passenger door and jumped in, apologising for the water I spread everywhere before I was even in my seat. Charlie just grunted in response and turned the heat up when I started to shiver.
“Edward called.” he said a minute later, as if to explain how he knew where I was. I just nodded and kept watching the sheeting rain outside the window.
“He said you'd run off into the rain.,” he continued, seemingly ignoring my avoidance. “and when I asked him why, he told me you broke up with him.”
I hummed in agreement and nodded again, trying to disconnect myself from the conversation and focus on squashing the agonising pain that threatened to take over my body.
“Are you going to tell me why?” Charlie pressed.
“No.” I replied dully.
He huffed, but dropped it. The rest of the ride home was silent, and as soon as we got back to our house I went straight upstairs to take a shower and finish my homework. There was a large wet spot on my bedroom floor where the rain had come in through the open window, and I quickly cleaned it up as best I could before closing the window. It felt wrong to do it; the window was always open these days so that Edward could come in without risking Charlie hearing it squeak. Realising that I would never have to worry about that kind of thing should have relaxed me, but it only made me start crying again.

I went downstairs long enough to cook and eat dinner, ignoring, blocking or avoiding Charlie's attempts to find out exactly what had happened. After dinner I went back upstairs again and started getting ready for bed. As I was coming out of the bathroom I heard Charlie talking to someone on the phone in the hallway.
“I just don't understand it.” he was saying, sounding utterly perplexed. “It seems so unlike her. Has Edward told you anything else?”
He paused, listening to the response on the other end, then sighed heavily.
“Poor kid. And you really have no idea what happened to make Bella do something like this? I can't think of anything at all, except she was unusually quiet when she got back from her birthday party.”
Another pause, and I realised Charlie must be talking to one of the Cullens. My heart sank, and I couldn't listen anymore, so I retreated to my room. I curled up on my bed, wrapping my arms around my chest, and finally allowed myself to give in to the grief and cry until my eyes ran dry and I fell into an uneasy sleep.

~RR~

It happened the next day, in my last class of the day. The whole day had been full of awkward, stony silences; Edward was still in most of my classes, and more often than not he was sat next to me. I barely spoke to anyone at all actually, and at lunch I abandoned my usual seat in favour of one at an unoccupied table on the other side of the cafeteria from my friends. I could feel their curious, concerned stares boring into my back, but chose to ignore them, as I chose to ignore the hurt and betrayal in the look Alice shot my way as I walked past her. She and Edward seemed to respect my decision to stay away from them, even if they didn't like it.

Neither of the Cullens were in my last class. At the front of the room, the teacher droned on about something that I had honestly lost all interest in the moment he began. I wasn't the only one not paying attention; with only fifteen minutes of the school day left, almost all of my classmates were fidgeting or having quiet conversations.

Suddenly, a loud explosion boomed across campus from the direction of the science building, followed instantly by the peal of the fire alarm. I joined the throng of people streaming down the corridor, some excited and some terrified, all speaking at once so their voices become one big roar of unidentifiable noise. As we left the building, the shouting turned into screaming, and the anticipatory hurry became a full out frantic dash as the red glow of a large blaze became visible over the top of the other buildings. People were running everywhere, girls were screaming, and the teachers were fruitlessly trying to keep order while simultaneously freaking out as much as the students. It was utter chaos.
Somehow over all the madness I managed to hear the sound of my name being called worriedly by a high pitched voice. I turned to see Alice looking around just a little too fast considering the amount of humans around, a panicked, almost pained look on her face. Something must be seriously wrong for her to let her flawless façade slip even the tiniest bit.
“Alice!” I called out, jogging against the flow of people towards her.
She spun around to face me, relief seeping into the frightened look in her gold eyes.
“Thank god you're okay!” she said, wrapping her slim arms around me as soon as I reached her. She didn't relax though, and I could tell that something was bothering her, something big.
“What's wrong, Alice?” I asked, concerned. “What is it? Did you see something?”
Alice shook her head sadly, looking like she would be crying if it were possible. “No, I didn't see anything. But I wish I had. Then this might not have happened, and he... we... oh, Bella!”
She hugged me close again, sobbing pitifully. The crowd was beginning to thin out now as more people reached the assembly point in the parking lot, and those that passed us didn't even seem to notice we were there, flowing around us like river water around a rock.
“Alice,” I said seriously, pulling back a little as a sense of dread settled in the pit of my stomach. “tell me what's going on.”
She'd said he, and unless something had happened to Jasper, there was only one he that meant enough to Alice to elicit this kind of reaction.
Sure enough, the next word out of her mouth was the very name I had been dreading she would say.
“Edward.” she whimpered pitifully. “He was in the lab where the fire started, and I can't find him anywhere. I can't go in and find him without risking getting stuck, and even if I tell someone, there's no way the fire department will get here fast enough to get him out before it's too late, and-”
She kept talking but I wasn't listening anymore. It took me about ten seconds to process what she had said, and then I broke away before she could stop me and started sprinting back towards the science building as fast as I could, ignoring her voice shouting from behind me.

By this time there were even fewer people still around the buildings, so there was no one to stop me from reaching the source of the fire in a few minutes. Orange and red flames licked up the far side of the building and were just visible over the roof, and clouds of thick black smoke billowed up from them and out of the open double doors at the front. The sight of it slowed me down, but only for a moment. I took a few deep breaths, steeled my nerve, and dashed headlong through the doors.
The smoke closed around me instantly, blocking most of my visibility and creeping down my throat in choking tendrils that made me cough and splutter loudly. I almost turned around, but the image of Edward, trapped somewhere in here with no way to get out without being burned, sent me surging forward into the dense near-blackness, not entirely sure where I was or where I was going. I realised that the further I went into the smoke, the hotter I became, and reasoned that I must be reaching the source of the fire. It was as good a place as any to start looking, my addled brain decided, and so I followed the heat towards what I hoped would at least be a better lit place to begin my search.

It took me not two minutes to find the classroom that was the centre of the blaze. The smoke cleared out completely in the wake of the flames, though so much had gotten into my lungs by this point that I was still coughing violently. The door was closed, but the glass pane in the top part of it had gotten smashed somehow, and flames licked at the edge of the frame. I peered in through the opening and blinked against the brightness of the fire and the overwhelming heat haze that impaired my vision further. Squinting, I could just make out a dark shape backed against the far wall, trapped by a collapsed ceiling support and trying frantically to get further away from the flames, though there was nowhere else to go. The sight was pitiful and terrifying all at once.

Determination and bravery flooded me from some unknown source, and without stopping to think too hard I grabbed for the handle.
“Ouch!” I yelped when the hot metal burned my palm. I tried again, this time pulling the sleeve of my t-shirt down over my hand to protect it. It still hurt a little, and it was very hot, but it was bearable long enough to get the door open. The heat surged out in a great wave, along with a little cloud of smoke, and I coughed again.
My shout had alerted the dark figure to my presence, and I heard, over the roar of the fire, a voice calling my name.
“Bella!” it shouted, and I knew at once I had found what I came in here for; Edward.
“Wait right there, Edward!” I shouted as loud as I could. “I'm coming to get you.”
“Don't be stupid, Bella!” he yelled back, sounding agitated and frightened. “You'll get hurt! Get out while you still can!”

I ignored him and began picking my way through the room, finding small spaces that the fire had yet to touch wherever I could. When I was about halfway across the room, Edward called out a warning and I stopped, watching part of another ceiling strut fall down, narrowly avoiding my head. As soon as it was down, I hopped over it and continued. All the time I was doing this, Edward kept on telling me to get out, save myself, forget about him and leave before I got hurt or worse. When only the collapsed ceiling support separated us, I had finally had enough and yelled at the top of my voice, “I am not leaving you, Edward!”

That shut him up, and gave me a chance to think about how I was actually going to get him out. There was no chance of moving the heavy bar; even discounting its weight, the entire thing was on fire apart from one section too high up for me to reach. I glanced around frantically, looking for anything that could help, and spotted a broom, obviously left behind by a cleaner, set against the wall very close to Edward.
“Pass me that broom!” I called, pointing to it. His eyes darted over to it for half a second, full of fear at the proximity of the fire. It was strange to see him so unsettled and afraid; I had never seen it before, and it unnerved me slightly. At the same time, it gave me confidence and a sense of responsibility; for once, he was not the strong, brave one. I could be strong and brave too.

Edward inched gingerly along the wall, darting his hand out as soon as he was close enough to the broom and grabbing it by the handle. Then he edged back and carefully passed it to me through a gap in the fire. Holding it by the end of the handle, I blocked out everything else and began to swing the bristles at the tiny part of the burning barrier still not alight. Several times I missed, and the roar of the fire behind me began to make me nervous. Closing my eyes to centre myself for a moment, I took what was very likely to be my last swing. There was a crash as the two poles connected and I jumped back as much as I could as the ceiling support came crashing down, leaving Edward free to step over it easily. He grabbed my hand – I didn't fight it – and let me lead him back through the blazing classroom. His hand shook in mine, and I could tell that he was still very frightened, so I moved as quickly as I could, breaking into a run as the last opening between us and the door began to close up. We barely made it through, only just passing the frame before another thunderous crash signalled the collapse of half the roof onto the floor below.

The fire had spread while we were inside the classroom, making its way down the corridor, and we didn't stop running, desperate to get away from it. I was lost in the smoke all around us, so he took the lead, and in a matter of minutes we reached the doors. There was no one around, though the sound of sirens could clearly be heard from the direction of the parking lot. We stopped running, and I bent over, leaning on my knees and coughing violently. Edward reached out to help me, but another loud explosion from inside the building had us both jumping out of our skin and setting off across the school as fast as we could go. There was no time to talk, and I didn't have the breath or the energy for it anyway. The noise from the parking lot got louder and louder as we approached, and Edward put an arm around me and limped slightly. I played along, and we managed to make it look as if we were leaning on each other fairly convincingly.

As we rounded the corner of the last building, a shrill cry sounded from ahead of us, and we were soon caught up in the arms of our respective parents, all three frantic with worry, before we were passed off to the waiting medical team. Well, I was; Carlisle insisted on checking Edward himself, probably to stop anyone from realising he hadn't been affected by the fire at all. The EMT taking care of me bandaged my burnt hand carefully as the principal began shouting over a bull horn, letting everyone know that the best thing to do now was go home and assuage the worries of frantic parents. Students began departing in droves, though some, mostly younger students still brought in by parents, had to wait a little longer to be collected. Once I had been cleared, with a stern order to go straight home and rest, I was bustled into the cruiser by Charlie and carted out of school.

I didn't get the chance to make sure Edward was really alright. I didn't even see him after he was pulled away from me. And though I knew better, I couldn't stem the worry that all my efforts had been in vain.

~RR~

Charlie put me to bed as soon as we got home, with a stern warning to stay there unless I needed something and to call him if I had a problem, before he went back out to help deal with the aftermath of the fire. I curled up under the covers despondently and tried to sleep, but sleep refused to come. I just kept kicking myself for what I’d done. I knew I couldn't have let Edward die, but there were better ways that I could have dealt with the situation, ways that didn't show that I still cared, like telling a teacher or a rescue worker that he was still inside. Now he was sure to guess that I had been lying, and he would try and get me to admit it at the first available opportunity.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I scolded myself over and over. What were you thinking?
After a few hours of fruitless tossing and turning, I gave up on trying to sleep and just turned my back to the window and lay there, not really thinking about anything. For some reason, I had the strangest feeling that I was waiting for something – or someone.

After a while – I didn't know exactly how long – I heard a soft tapping on my window. I sighed, but didn't turn around. I didn't need to; there was only one person with the ability and inclination to climb up to my second floor window rather than knocking on the front door.
“Go away, Edward.” I grumbled, pulling my quilt over my head. I heard my window slide open and the soft sounds of someone climbing through it and landing on my bedroom floor. Angrily I rolled over and pulled back the cover, glaring at my visitor.
“I said, go away.” I growled.
Edward didn't listen to me, taking a step forward into the room. “I want to talk to you.”
I pulled the quilt over my head again so he wouldn't see me lie. “Well I don't want to talk to you. I don't even to be near you. Go away.”
Suddenly, my quilt vanished and he was standing over me, face determined, eyes burning.
“I don't believe you.” he murmured.

Anger gripped me suddenly and I sat up, swinging my legs round onto the floor.
“Why do you have to be so god damn stubborn!” I half shouted. “Why can't you just accept that we're over and move on?”
“Because I’m not ready to let you go.” he replied, trying to sound calm, but I could hear the slight wobble in his voice. Disguising my guilt at having caused him pain with anger, I began to really lay into him, yelling and poking him in the chest to emphasise my words.
“Well you're going to have to be. Don't you get it? I’m human, you're a vampire, and you refuse to change me. It was never going to work!”
I turned around so that I didn't have to look at him any more, crossing my arms over my chest and trying not to cry. There was silence for a minute before he spoke again.
“Look at me, Bella.” he said softly. I shook my head vigorously.
His hands gripped my arms tightly and spun me back around to face him, holding on to me tightly despite my struggles.
“Let go of me!” I protested, wriggling furiously, to no avail.
“Look at me.” he demanded again. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me.”
I stared up into his deep golden eyes, and tried my hardest to do as he asked.
“I...I...” I stuttered, struggling to force out the lie without closing my eyes or looking away. It was a lose-lose situation; either I wouldn't be able to hold his gaze and he would know I was lying, or I wouldn't be able to say it and he would never let me go. I swallowed and tried again. “I...I don't...”
And then I sagged against him, finally giving in.
“I can't!” I wailed, throwing my arms around him, burying my face in his chest and sobbing heavily. His arms curled around me tightly, holding me close and brushing a hand across my hair. His soft voice soothed me, even as my sobs drowned out the words. He guided me slowly back onto the bed, laying me down flat and stretching out beside me. We clung to each other, his face buried in my hair and mine tucked against his neck. It took a while, but I eventually calmed down to the point where the sobs became small sniffs and whimpers. Edward rolled onto his back and gently draped me across his chest, stroking my hair softly.

“Bella,” he said in almost a whisper. “can I ask you something?”
I nodded, sniffing again and trying to gather the strength to speak.
“What were you thinking?” he asked, sounding slightly frustrated. “Why did you go to such lengths to make me think that you didn't care anymore?”
It took me a moment to shape my answer, to rearrange my tumbled thoughts from the night of my birthday and figure out exactly what I had been thinking.
“I guess...” I paused for a moment before continuing. “I guess I was thinking that it would be better for both of us, if we weren't together. Well, mostly I was thinking it would be better for you.”
I peeked up at his face, and he was frowning in consternation.
“Explain that please.” he said, obviously confused.
“Well,” I said, hesitant. “I could see how it hurt you to be near me, the struggle with control, and how I was taking you away from your family. And when you were saying you would try to kill yourself if I died...” I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut so I didn't start crying again. “I couldn't let you do that, I couldn't have that on my conscience. I thought, if I separated us, that you could move on and forget about me, and find someone who can keep up with you, that you wouldn't have to save all the time, and then it wouldn't matter to you whether I was alive or not.”
“Oh, Bella.” he sighed. “Don't you know what you mean to me? Don't you realise how much I care for you? I could never forget about you, not if I lived to be a thousand years old. I will always love you, no matter what. As for having someone that can keep up with me...” He smiled softly at me and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “I think you've done a pretty good job so far. You keep me on my toes, that's for certain. And I really don't mind saving you. It makes me feel like I matter for the first time in my life, like I have a purpose. Just being around you makes me feel like someone is better off because I exist. Besides, it's not like you haven't returned the favour.”
I shook my head, but he wouldn't hear of it.
“Don't do that.” he almost grumbled, before becoming serious. “You saved my life today, Bella. If it weren't for you and your bravery, I would be nothing but a pile of ashes by now. And even before that, you saved me. As soon as you came into my life, you saved me. Every day you save me from the loneliness that has been my existence for the last eighty years. There is no me without you anymore.”
He brushed the tips of his fingers over my cheek. “So long,” he whispered. “so long I have waited for you, and never knew I was waiting. So many years I have longed for what my father and my brothers have, and never even known it. And when I finally found you... I want everything with you, Bella. I want to take you to prom again, and show you that you can dance, if you have the right partner. I want to be with you when you stay up half the night cramming before finals, and I want to be the first person to congratulate you when you graduate. I want to get down on one knee and give you my mother's ring.”
I gasped, but he didn't pause, staring intensely into my eyes. “I want to stand with you in front of an altar, and pledge my love for you in front of all our friends and family. I want to be yours forever, and for you to be mine in return. I want to spend everyday until the end of time showing you what you mean to me. I can see it, our future together, every time I close my eyes. Say you can see it too, Bella. Surely you can see how much I love you. Can't you?"
I stared into his eyes, and saw in their unfathomable depths nothing but truth and love and everything he had described. With every passing moment I wondered more how I could ever have thought I could let him go.
“Yes.” I whispered. “Yes, I see it. I see it all.”

“Do you know what else I see?” Edward whispered back, eyes still locked with mine as he leaned in slightly closer, rolling over so that we lay side by side on the bed facing each other.
“What?” I breathed, feeling dizzy from how close he was getting and the swirl of his scent in the air around me.
“I see us, exactly the way we are now, forever. I see my beautiful Bella, even stronger and more radiant than ever before. I never let myself think about it before, but now I can see it, and I want it. So,” He leaned in even closer, barely a centimetre away from me. “if you still want it, I’m willing to change you whenever you're ready. I want you to be like me, if only so that I never have to let you go, and I feel so selfish for thinking that way, but I can't deny it any more. I want you, Bella, forever, if you'll have me. If you still want to give up your life to share mine.”
I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was I dreaming? Had the smoke gone to my head and made me loopy? I decided that I didn't care; I would enjoy it now and deal out with the fall out later should it prove to be all just a figment of my imagination.
“Of course I do.” I told him, a little breathless, still affected by his close proximity to my lips. “Besides, I wouldn't be giving up anything. You are my life, Edward.”

And, just to prove it and because I couldn't deal with him being so close anymore, I leaned forward and planted my lips against his. He was quick to respond, and after two days of barely touching, the thought of breaking up for good, and the leftover fear from this afternoon that we would never have the chance to try again, it wasn't surprising that the kiss was much more exuberant than our usual ones. Love and passion seemed to hum around us in an almost visible aura, pulsing between us and filling up the room as we became more and more frantic with each passing moment.

A gruff throat clearing interrupted us.

Crap. I thought. Charlie.

“I take it this means you two are back together?” he said, sounding amused rather than angry. I didn't trust it to last.
Edward pulled back, rolling onto his back and leaning against my headboard while I sat straight up.
“Dad, I...” I started to say, but he held up a hand to cut me off.
“Don't you start with that. I’m not angry with you, Bells.”
I frowned. “You're not?”
He shook his head. “Nope. In fact, I’m relieved. You've been a wreck these last couple of days, Bella, and while I wish it hadn't taken something quite so drastic, I’m glad what happened this afternoon has brought you to your senses.”
“Wow.” I said, genuinely surprised, and Edward chuckled. The sound caused Charlie's focus to shift to him, and his eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, but not in anger; it was more a look of parental authority.
“Nevertheless, you should be resting, and you,” he pointed at Edward. “should be doing the same, at home. What's Esme going to think when she checks on you and finds you're gone? Hasn't she been through enough today?”
Edward bowed his head meekly. “I'm sorry sir. It's just... I never got to thank Bella for what she did, and I really wanted to make sure she was okay.” He grinned at me cheekily. “Winning her back in the process is just a bonus.”
I blushed, and Charlie laughed.
“That's all well and good,” he chuckled. “but how about using the door next time, alright?”
“Yes sir.” Edward replied with a smile.

Charlie chuckled again, then transferred his stern look to me. “Don't you go doing anything like that again, Bella, you hear me? You had all of us in quite a state, running off like that. Poor Alice was beside herself worrying about the two of you.”
Now it was my turn to drop my head. “Yes Dad.”
“Alright,” he said with a huff, as if he were glad the whole thing was over. “I'm going to go and call your parents to come get you, Edward. Until then... I’m trusting you to sensible, Bells.”
His tone was teasing, but it still made me blush madly again, which made him laugh... again. Finally, he wandered off down the corridor, closing the door before he went.

I huffed heavily and threw myself back on the bed. Edward chuckled and pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of me head. I looked up at him, and he was smiling widely.
“What are you smiling about?” I asked him, not able to stop the smile that spread across my face in response to his. He grinned wider at my question, looking down into my eyes. His eyes were soft, loving, and so happy that it took my breath away.
“I've got my Bella back.” he said simply, and squeezed me tightly.
I curled closer into him, putting my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around his neck.
“And I’ve got my Edward back.” I whispered.
“That sounds good,” he hummed, and I giggled.
“Do you what sounds even better?” he said after a moment.
“What?” I asked.

“Mrs Isabella Cullen.”

Last Words

Summary: Time Warp Contest Entry. When Edward Masen was born, his mother made a promise to herself. What lengths will she go to in order to keep it? Pre-Twilight Cannon
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Last Words

December 1901

Elizabeth Masen watched her son Edward play on the parlour floor, pulling himself across the carpet with his chubby little hands as his knees pushed him forwards. He had just learned to crawl, and the look on his little face as he discovered the world around him from a new angle enchanted Elizabeth and made her chuckle. She took a moment to study her son.

His face, though rounded with youth, was already beginning to show hints of his father's angular features. His green eyes, perfect reflections of her own, sparkled with excitement, and a thin layer of bronze hair, also like hers, stuck out at odd angles all over his head. He was perfect; five months old and thriving.

“Edward,” Elizabeth called softly, and he halted his explorations under the piano to stare at her curiously.

“Come to Momma, precious boy,” she cooed, and Edward’s smile lit up his face as she reached for him. He crossed the room in record time, grabbing onto her skirts as soon as he was close enough. She laughed and swept him up into her arms. She knew she would always love him no matter what, but somehow she loved him all the more for knowing that he was all she would ever have. Complications with Edward’s birth, as well as his size, had left Elizabeth unable to have any more children, – a fact which greatly displeased her husband and caused him to resent his son for the part he played in the problem – and she had resolved to treasure her only son until the day she died. Longer, if possible.

August 1907

Music floated through the little Chicago town house as Elizabeth’s fingers danced across the piano keys. The simple actions that came to her so easily calmed her mind and made her forget the world around her; in particular, the sweltering heat of the summer.

“Iced tea Mother?” a little voice asked from somewhere near her elbow as she finished the piece. She turned and smiled down at Edward, taking the glass he offered her. His own glass was already half empty.

“Why thank you darling. That's very kind of you.”

Edward smiled at his mother's praise, revelling in the positive recognition he so rarely received from his father. He didn't bother to mention that it had been Clara the house maid who suggested iced tea, and fixed both drinks.

The two of them sipped their drinks for a minute or two, content, as they so often were, to remain silent. There was rarely a need for Elizabeth and Edward to speak to each other; Elizabeth had an intuition much stronger than most other women, which was especially sensitive when it came to her son, and Edward had always had an uncanny ability to judge what people were thinking. Elizabeth thought he did it by watching their faces, but when she asked him about it, he hadn't understood her question. She wasn't surprised really; he had only just turned six after all.

Elizabeth was certain that his talent was a sure sign that Edward was special and destined for greatness. His father just scoffed and said it was ridiculous.

“A fancy of youth,” he pompously proclaimed whenever the subject came up, “He'll grow out of it soon enough. The sooner the better, if you ask me.”

No one ever asked him, but he told them anyway.

“Mother?” Edward said after a moment, breaking her from her revere.

“Yes my little copper top?” she asked, reaching out to try and tame the mess of his hair, which seemed to grow more unruly every year, despite her efforts with a comb and palm oil.

“Will you teach me to play like you do?” He gestured to the piano; a big black baby grand that was a wedding present from Edward Sr.'s parents and only just fit into the parlour.

Elizabeth smiled. “Of course, precious boy! Come here.”

She mover over on the bench to make room for him, and he clambered up beside her, an eager smile on his face.

They stayed there for the next hour as Elizabeth showed him some basic chords and scales, and helped him pick his way through the melody for 'The Star Spangled Banner'. Edward was a receptive pupil and a natural talent, taking everything in and picking it up very quickly. Elizabeth smiled at the look of concentration on his face as his little fingers pressed the keys down; his frown was so deep, it would have been frightening had he not been so young.

“Stop that infernal racket! I can hear you down the street!” a loud voice boomed from the entry hall, followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

“Father is home.” Edward stated, his voice quiet and sad as he folded his hands into his lap and sat up straighter. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead, glad that he relaxed into her embrace. She vowed then and there that she would never be the one to put that look on his face.

July 1918

“No.”

“Mother...”

“I said no, Edward. I don't care if you father approves, I do not.” Elizabeth’s tone was final, and in the past it would have killed the conversation dead. But Edward was a grown man now – or so he kept telling her – and he was as stubborn as a mule when he wanted something, persistent to the point of irritating, and fixated on his dreams of fighting glory.

“Mother, I’m seventeen now, and tall for my age. I could easily pass for old enough, and the recruiters don't check too closely. They need every man they can get, we're losing thousands every day.” Edward insisted.

“Precisely my point.” Elizabeth replied as calmly as she could. “There have been enough deaths already, whole lives reduced to names in the newspaper. I won't have you be one of them.”

Edward huffed and stomped into the parlour. Stormy music began to flow through the door, a sure sign that Edward was abusing the piano in an attempt to vent his frustrations without shouting... again. Elizabeth sighed and followed him.

“Is it so wrong for me to want to keep you safe?” she asked, speaking only loud enough to be heard above the tired instrument and not quiet keeping the pleading edge from her voice.

He didn't stop playing; he too spoke over the noise. “I'm a man now Mother. I can take care of myself.”

“I know that,” Elizabeth said, coming to stand behind him. “But I’m your mother. It's my job to worry about you. It's what I do.”

Edward sighed and stopped playing, turning to face her. He was now the one begging. “Why won't you let me fight for our country? Why won't you let me protect our freedom, protect you?”

Elizabeth was shaking he head before he finished speaking. “It's not our war Edward, it never has been. Europe began it, and Europe will have to face the aftermath. It is England and France who are at threat of invasion, not us. All we are doing is sending more men and boys to die for nothing. I can't bear thinking of you as one of them, lost on some war torn battle field in Belgium, injured or worse, while I sit here with no idea what is happening to you. Don’t go, darling,” She was pleading again. “For the sake of my sanity, if nothing else, and certainly not now. You're too young.”

She took a deep breath, trying not to cry, and Edward took her hands in his, looking up at her with the same anguish in his eyes as she had in hers as he rubbed his thumbs across her knuckles.

“They lowered the draft age to eighteen the other day. Father saw it in the paper.” he murmured.

Elizabeth hung her head, knowing it would now be even easier for her son to convince the army recruiters that he was old enough to join up. The he said the last thing she had been expecting to hear, but which made her smile and hug him and whisper, “Thank you precious boy!” over and over again, until she was in tears, and he was laughing and calling her “Silly Mother” just like he used to.

“I can wait another year.”

September 1918

Elizabeth was struggling to breathe. Her lungs felt as if they were filled with water, and her body burned with fever. But she ignored it all, pushing it away as best she could, as she struggled to reach the other bed in the little hospital room. When she finally made it, Edward was whimpering loudly, almost crying out in pain, and shaking like a leaf in a gale.

“Shh precious boy,” she croaked, her words slurred with exhaustion. “Shh.”

She stroked his sallow cheek, felt the sweat on his skin coat her palm and mix with her own, and once again wondered why God had sent this hideous influenza on top of four years of harsh and bloody war.

“Mrs Masen,” said a smooth, rich, musical voice. She ignored it.

“Elizabeth,” the voice sighed, and a hand gently touched her shoulder. She looked up reluctantly, blinking to try and clear her vision. Dr Cullen stood over her, his calm, pale face set in a frown of disapproval. Elizabeth knew the look well; this wasn't the first time he had caught her out of bed.

“He needs me.” she breathed, stubborn even now. Edward had to have gotten it from somewhere.

“You're not doing him any good by hurting yourself.” the doctor replied softly, reaching down to pick her up, despite her protests, as if she weighed no more than a feather pillow.

As he settled her back in her own cot, Elizabeth was overcome by a sudden rush of weakness. Her intuition sparked, even in her delirium, and she knew that this was it; her last chance to make her request. Gathering all her waning strength, she glared up at the inhumanly beautiful man with his shining blond hair, strange, lonely golden eyes and hands noticeably colder that those of the other doctors and nurses, even to Elizabeth’s feverish skin.

“Save him.” she ordered.

“I’ll do everything in my power.” came the reply.

“You must.” she insisted, as the edges of her vision began to darken. “You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.”

She didn't know what he was, but something in her intuition told her that Dr Cullen was more than human, more than those around him, and that he had the ability to help Edward, to keep him alive and take care of him, to be the father he never had.

As the blackness swallowed her, blocking her view of Dr Cullen’s almost frightened face, Elizabeth was comforted by the surety that she had kept that long ago promise to herself.

~LW~

Floating.

That was the best way to describe the feeling. Floating in a dense blackness, looking down at her hands, suddenly white as snow and almost see through. There was no time, no sound, no movement aside from the gentle floating, and nothing to look at. Elizabeth waited for... something. She didn't know what, but her intuition seemed to still be intact, and she knew she was waiting for something. A decision perhaps? Surely there wasn't that much to weigh out. She had done her best to be a good woman, a good Christian, a good wife and mother. What was taking so long?

Eventually, the blackness faded to dark grey, then light grey, then white so bright she had to cover her eyes and squeeze them shut. When she opened them again, she found herself, not in Heaven or Hell, but hovering near a cracked plaster ceiling, staring down at a room she didn't know; a tiny room, with a desk, a chair, a bed, a closet, a trunk full of ancient looking books wedged alongside newer leather bound volumes, and nothing else. The was no decoration, no warmth, not even a fire in the minuscule grate, and no sign of anything that could be used for cooking or washing. There were, however, two people, illuminated in the light of a single candle on the desk.

Elizabeth instantly recognised Dr Cullen, kneeling beside the tiny bed with his head in his hands and his shoulders tight. It was the person laid flat on the bed that made her do a double take.

A young man, dressed in hospital issue cotton pyjamas, with skin as stony hard and pale white as the mysterious doctor. A crescent shaped scar, almost too faded to see, was visible over his collarbone, exposed by his partially open shirt. His hair was the colour of a new penny, shining bronze and copper in the low flickering light of the candle.

It was Edward. Her Edward. Her precious little boy. But his face...

It wasn't right. The already angular features inherited from his father were even sharper and more defined, his handsome appearance even more radiant. He had bulked out too; the weight he had lost over the past weeks had been restored, and he was minutely more muscular. His cheeks were no longer sunken and sallow, but his face still held an expression of pain, one entirely different from the soft whimpers brought on by the influenza. He screamed now, at regular intervals, every sound making the doctor apologise profusely and bury his face more deeply in his palms. Edward writhed and arched his back, his features twisted in absolute agony. It made Elizabeth’s heart ache to see it, but she did not dare turn away. She did not run, as she so longed to do. She knew that if she ran, she would lose him. She would go back into the blackness, and she would lose the chance to make sure he was happy and safe.

The screaming stopped abruptly. There was utter silence. No one moved. No one breathed.

Dr Cullen raised his head and leaned forward. Elizabeth drifted closer, watching anxiously as she hovered directly over her son.

Edward’s eyes, which had been screwed shut, blinked open. No longer the bright emerald green of before, they blazed blood red as he stared at the ceiling above him.

“Mother?” he whispered, his voice weak and frightened, and as beautifully musical as a choir of church bells on Sunday morning. Before Elizabeth could try to speak to him, Dr Cullen stepped in.

“I'm sorry Edward. Your mother is gone. She died three days ago, and she left you to me. I am Carlisle. You are safe with me.”

~LW~

Elizabeth stayed with Edward and Carlisle, even after Carlisle’s explanation of his nature and lifestyle. She watched, hovering in the corner of the room, as her son baulked at the thought of being a vampire, and she followed them when they left the house to watch his first hunt, which frightened and amazed her in equal measure. She watched as he adapted to his new life and began to slowly accept Carlisle as his new family. She thrilled in his mind reading ability, silently smug that she had been right and he was special, and was happy when Esme joined them and gave Edward someone else to call Mother. She never resented the beautiful woman or felt as if she were being replaced, hearing that she had lost her own child, and seeing that she too was disheartened by not being able to have children. She was truly a gentle and loving person, with a heart she was just dying to give away.

When first Rosalie, then Emmet, and finally Alice and Jasper joined the family, Elizabeth rejoiced, for Carlisle had given Edward what she never could – siblings. Brothers to play games and fight with, sisters to protect and irritate whenever necessary; a big happy family to love him for eternity.

Time passed. After a while, Elizabeth began to feel pulled to... something. She didn't like it, because she didn't know what it was. Her unfailing intuition had failed her, and that frightened her more than anything.

She did know that once she gave in to the pull, let it take her wherever it wanted to take her, she would never be able to come back. And that was unthinkable.

September 1987

It was a normal day when it happened, just like many others. Carlisle was still at work, Esme was pouring over the blue prints for the next house they would be moving to, and Alice was sketching a design for her latest fabric masterpiece, while Jasper read one of his many books and Edward played the piano. Emmet and Rosalie had gone hunting together an hour before, and they had yet to reappear. No one was really worried; it happened all the time.

Elizabeth was watching, as usual, and listening to the music, when she felt the pull again, stronger than ever before. It would not be deified this time. Still, she tried desperately to cling to something, anything, just so that she could stay. She couldn't go yet, she wasn't ready, she hadn't made sure Edward was happy – for, though her baby boy was surrounded by a loving family, he was still alone and unhappy, without any kind of romantic love or female companionship.

But the pull wouldn't listen to her silent pleas. It dragged her away, not into the blackness, as she expected, but across the country, over trees and towns and cities, over things Elizabeth had never known or dreamed of or seen; roads that hadn't been built, leading to places she had never been, populated by vehicles that had barely been invented, which were driven by people who hadn't even been born when she was alive.

After a while, she reached a tiny town surrounded by greenery, far in the north and near to the sea. The pull took her over the emerald forest that dripped with dew and rain water, over the rain drenched streets of the town to a little community hospital, through a third floor window and into a room. Then she stopped, and it went away completely.

Elizabeth looked around. It was a small room, with a tiny window in one wall. The only furniture aside from a little cabinet was a hospital bed and a dark blue velvet recliner. Both were occupied; the bed by a young woman, and the recliner by a slightly older man in a policeman's uniform. Both were fast asleep despite it being only five o'clock in the afternoon, and they both looked very tired, but they were smiling in their sleep, which made her wonder what they were here for.

A small noise drew her attention to something she hadn't seen before; a clear plastic bassinet, lined with white blankets, sitting beside the bed. She drifted over and peered cautiously inside.

A tiny, cream-coloured face stared back, with wide eyes just turning from the pale blue shared by all newborns to a deep chocolate brown. Wisps of dark brown hair curled out from under a pink cap, and tiny arms and legs kicked and flexed in a pale pink onesie. Elizabeth glanced at the card attached to the end of the crib.

Isabella Marie Swan

Girl

September 13^th 1987, 5:26am

7lbs 9oz, 18in long

Daughter of Charles and Renee Swan

Elizabeth turned back to the little baby, surprised; Isabella wasn't even 12 hours old, yet she was wide awake, not crying, while her parents slept. Even more remarkably, she seemed to see Elizabeth, swinging her tiny limbs and gurgling excitedly. Elizabeth felt an irresistible urge to touch the little girl. So she did.

Her translucent fingers lightly brushed the baby's cheek, and a life flashed before her eyes in a series of pictures and events and voices.

A little house.

A tiny bedroom with the window facing into the forest.

A taxi cab driving away from the house, carrying Renee and Isabella, leaving a devastated Charles standing on the porch and watching helplessly.

A little girl, growing up in the sunshine.

“Come to Momma Bella!”

Pre-school.

Kindergarten.

Elementary school.

Middle school.

High school.

A new man. Phil.

Renee in a long white dress.

Bella – a fitting name, for she truly was a beauty – moving back to this tiny town – Forks – to live with her father.

Edward.

Irritation, anger, secrets and frustration.

Friendship.

Love.

He rescues her.

She gets hurt.

He leaves.

She dies inside.

He tries to kill himself.

She rescues him.

They grow stronger.

“Change me.”

“Marry me first.”

She says no.

Another boy.

Jealousy and confusion.

Graduation.

Compromise.

Elizabeth's ring.

She says yes.

A big white wedding; Bella is a vision as her father walks her down the aisle.

Edward’s eyes are shining with love as he watches her.

Another tiny baby, another little girl, with brown eyes and bronze hair and a perfect face.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen.

Bella, eyes crimson, skin sparkling, smile wide.

Edward, happier than he has ever been.

Forever.

Elizabeth smiled as the final pictures faded away. Bella gurgled again as the dead woman leaned down and kissed her forehead, finally letting go of all her worries and cares.

Charlie and Renee slept on, unaware of their daughter's future, or the visitor who had come and gone. Even if they had been awake, they might not have heard the whisper of wind, the tiny breathe of air, the gentle breeze that was the only sign of Elizabeth Masen’s true last words.

“Take care of him Bella. He's yours now.”

In the hospital room in Forks, Bella Swan closed her eyes and fell asleep. Far away on the other side of the country, Edward Cullen stopped playing his piano and clutched his chest, feeling at once filled with grief and free of cares as the two most important women in his very long life switched places, and one drifted away forever.